Better To Be Quiet During The Storm And Speak During The Calm

Since in times of anger we are not aware of what we are saying, it is better to wait for the storm to pass. to be able to present our point of view calmly.

When the storm arrives, all of the elements of nature collide with each other to show their most aggressive, chaotic and sometimes even dangerous side. The same thing happens with human relationships. How to be silent during the storm and speak during the calm?

Often times, we collide and break down emotionally during our arguments, disagreements, and differences. .

When storms, anger, misunderstanding and bad circumstances come, many of us lose our patience to the point of saying things that we regret later.

It’s not always easy to keep a cool head and a lukewarm heart. But sometimes a moment of storm brings with it ten years of regret. So let’s learn to stay calm.

When the storm hits our heart

It is common to say the following things: “my heart is broken”, or “my heart is full of anger”.

However, whoever really feels the pain and confronts it, it is the brain that sets off the real storm.

Let’s see this in detail.

Disputes and physiological changes

When there is no cure, when chance, circumstances and bad luck find ourselves in the middle of an argument, the first thing the brain feels is a “threat”.

• It attacks our belief system, our balance and our truth.
• We feel offended because someone we respect questions something that is important to us.
• We feel threatened in the face of words, ideas and a face that sometimes looks at us with threat and even contempt.

The brain identifies these situations as dangerous situations. It thus triggers an instinctive reaction which regulates the parasympathetic system.

• The brain prepares us to defend ourselves and also to escape.
• It speeds up the heart rate.
• In addition, it sends nerve impulses to the muscles to prepare for movement. Even if what it generates first are tremors, the same one feels in the hands, stomach or legs.
• We experience general restlessness, dryness in the mouth, and nervousness that grips us and prevents us from thinking clearly.

During the “storm” the brain cannot think

During arguments, during these moments of high emotional load generated by disagreements and misunderstandings, the brain thinks only of defending itself and activating our body for a possible escape reaction.

Thus, he is unable to think calmly and speak confidently.

• However, what can happen in the midst of arguments is that our defense mechanisms fail. So there are no longer any filters that normally prevent us from saying certain things.
• Sometimes during this emotional argument we let go of all the feelings and thoughts we have on our mind.

We are completely sincere, but be careful, because we are releasing what we feel at this precise moment.

It is therefore common to use angry words that sooner or later we regret.

So while it’s possible to feel relieved at first, after saying how we felt,  we realize that these weren’t really the right things to say.

Be silent in the storm and speak in the calm

It’s a complicated strategy to put into practice. However, staying silent during the storm to reserve your energies for times of better mental clarity is always the best thing to do.

You can use the following strategies for this:

The defensive wall

When a disagreement arises, when you find yourself in the awkward position of arguments and differences without being able to control it, visualize your mind facing a defensive wall.

• Behind this wall, you are in your palace of calm. But it is a palace that has windows and from which you will be able to see and of course, listen.
• Being in this calm and protective palace should allow you to listen to every word of the person in front of you. To later analyze his point of view with calm and hindsight.
• While the other person “ignites” by defending his point of view, we can position ourselves in indifference, calm. And in this attitude which is receptive but does not give importance to cries or negative emotions.

Assertiveness or speaking in calm

When the discussion ends and several hours pass, choose a good time to speak calmly with the other.

We must make it known that we do not want new disagreements, nor moments of tension.

• Believe it or not, speaking calmly but firmly causes the other person to remain silent and listen to us.
• Only then will we have to argue with balance and assertiveness. Demonstrating at all times that we understand the other point of view, but that we do not share it.
• Do not hesitate to use personal pronouns: “I feel,“ I want ”,“ I understand you ”.
• If you perceive that the other person is insisting on screaming, emphasizing the difference without understanding your point of view, then it is not worth arguing with them.

It is better to put some distance.

Finally, sometimes there are arguments that are not worth disagreements if there is no willingness to understand on the part of a person.